Category: Ruminations

Off to AK on a business trip.  16 years since my last visit.  This is a really cool trip.  I get to mix business with some pleasure and see some college buddies.

 

I knew something was up, but, not really the degree of seriousness.  “P” and I had back to back business trips, I got home the day she left to a hand written letter:  “So my biopsy showed cancer in one area & suspicion — about another — lymph nodes were hard to poke and results were inconclusive.  I like this doc a lot.  She said, ‘We’ll take care of this’ — and ordered tests (CAT, MRI, Xrays).  Once they ‘stage it’ we will meet and talk about treatment.”

 

So, imagine the hardest kick in the crotch you’ve ever recieved and that is about how the news settles.  I’m completly exhausted from my trip and I’ve got this bomb.  And I’m single parenting — do I tell the kids?  How?  When?

When breast cancer was confirmed after a biopsy, I immediately thought of a series of mandalas that I drew after I left Alaska.  This was 20 years ago at a time when I obviously needed self nurturance.

The writing below image 1 suggests that I was feeling pretty vulnerable and needed to take better care of my emotions.

Image 2 was about getting closer to the ground and absorbing earth energy.

 

I am struck by the parallels and differences between then and now.  Images 3 and 4 are ones I have reflected on often in the past 20 years, the ‘Me Tree’ (image 4) reflects the strength I feel when I connect to earth and acknowledge spirit.

                       

Now, 20 years later these 2 images are still so important to me, not because I need to work on patience or self love, but because they capture what I believe are my strengths.   Each step I take is deliberate and I have my family by my side.  Breast cancer is not just my diagnosis.  I have learned in the past month that my family, and those who love me all carry part of this with me.  That makes me feel so much less vulnerable than I was 20 years ago in a new state, not knowing anyone.   The Me Tree roots have established themselves well.