Events – Page 6 – Riding a new Horse

Walk4Hope

Copy-of-Pattys-people1-150x150

You guys, check this pic out. We had a gorgeous day for the walk! Here is the team Patty’s People that you ‘ve been hearing about. So many of us were like sausages with our tie dyed tees OUTSIDE our jackets and sweatshirts! It was fairly chilly at the start but the love and walking warmed us up quickly! The walk took in over $91,000 as of this morning, with $$ still trickling in. Thanks so much for your support and to all of you who donated and walked beside my family and I. It was wonderful to see colleagues and friends.

I’m feeling really good today and will be going to work for a couple hours on Monday and Tuesday this week, and on the days I feel up to it thereafter. Fortunately I can do some of my administrative tasks from home between naps. With infusion #4 coming up on Wed, I’m certain I won’t be back in the office for several days, but I have so much support at work and can take my time getting back in the swing. I suspect that surgery will not happen until I’m well over the chemo, so I may have several days in a row that I’m feeling good once the initial fog lifts after day 7. I’m hopeful that my response this cycle follows the pattern of the last 3 where I feel good after a week.

I’ll keep you posted on the next steps. All the scans will take place the two days AFTER chemo, and the surgery meeting happens on the 26th. We moved all the dates up, which I’m happy about.

Here is a pic of my sweet family.

Copy-of-us-@-walk1-150x150

10/7 Cycle 3 Day 1 “HYAAAAAA!”

cowgirl-150x150 Back up on the trail this morning. The horse and my family in sinc. My boots are wearing well. I spent most of my time during the infusion knitting socks and visiting with B, A and our sweet friend S. When I knit, I can visit at the same time. When I draw I have a hard time doing anything else!

It’s 6pm. The infusion was at around 10 or so. Vitals are all good, blood count is good, especially the white blood cells. All news we want to hear. We met with our oncologist who wants to order scans after the 4th infusion. Options: whether it has shrunk like a good little tumor, or remained the same or gotten bigger, surgery is next. Once we get the scans we meet with our surgeon. It feels and looks like it is shrinking to me, being the “G.O” (see the ABOUT page if you don’t know what G.O. is) that I am. Short story: wait two more weeks, spend time healing, visualizing, eating when possible, resting, acupuncturing, herbing, drawing, stacking more wood, going to soccer and jujitsu, hiking, laughing, visiting, painting, hammering, sawing, tearing out walls…you know, that kinda stuff. The stuff I love to do. THEN we do the scan thing. This brings up some memories for us about the pet scan and waiting. We will be writing about that experience sometime soon I’m sure.

I feel good right now. A headache and caution. A nice long nap with B and the katz was wonderful this afternoon as A stood guard. A came with us. She said she has a hard time with the port. She doesn’t think she could be a doctor. I meant a lot to me to have her there so she knows what goes on. We are all working together to come up with the best ‘stay ahead of the body stuff’ as we can. Cycles 1 and 2 were different enough that I don’t know what will happen, but I do know what to expect, if you know what I mean. B and I just took a good walk. I’m ready to settle in for the night. I’m just taking it easy at this point…

Giddyup Cowgirl (Day 1 Cycle 2).

Bald-cowgirl-150x150 We did it!

There’s nothing like friends who would shave your head if you asked them to on short notice. This includes those friends who would try like hell to change their impossible schedule…and alas, have to decline. Today was the day.

The infusion went without a hitch. K drove, E came, S visited with treats. It was wonderful…the love, company and support I mean.

I could pull pinches of hair out as of 2 days ago, but this morning it was a little easier to do. I think it creeped some of my family out, actually. I’m surprised it didn’t all come off in the shower. As we drove from the cancer center, I knew it was the day. K had a bit more time, D was between gigs and accepted the invitation willingly. E went on his bike and made trails in our woods… Once it was over, I felt nothing but relief. I walked to D’s house with some Baldy Pesto, and felt strong. Anticipation gets me every time. Now I get to adorn and wrap with beautiful colors. I also think it feels cool when I rub my head. AND I can finally look at the scar that’s been on top of my head since I was 8. Simple pleasures. Whodathunk?

It’s about 3 hours post infusion now, and I have a headache. I think the katz and I will take little a nap under E’s loving and watchful guard.

9/16 Nourish

By supplementing the chemo with herbs and accupuncture, I feel like I’m putting really good compost into a barron soil. I am aware that the balance within my system is seriously being disrupted with chemo. I drew “nourish” today, after drinking my astragalus root tea which tastes nutty and sweet. Perhaps I’ll have to do a drawing another day after taking my herbs. We call it the jar of dirt, and I’m grateful for the suggestion to use grape juice to help with the ingestion. Nourish-150x150 I love working the soil. My garden looks better today than it has all summer because I have been able to spend time out there. Better than how it looks is how I feel when I’m elbow deep in nice dark earth, and the transformation that occurs within me when I eat garden candy al fresco. It’s better than calgon. Well, I imagine it would be if I ever tried calgon.

I’ve been making my Nonni’s chicken cacciatore today. Speaking of nourishment. The fresh rosemary I picked this morning simmering in the olive oil and garlic, tomatoes and chicken are just making me YEARN for supper time. In case your mouth isn’t watering from that description, know that I attempted a picture of it, but A and I both agreed, it didn’t do it justice, so you’ll have to use your imagination or fix some in your kitchen to get the true impact!

I feel terrific today. Thanks to all of you following along. Your presence, support and love is felt very strongly. We’ll be eating around 5:30 if you’re interested.

9/15

I have been avoiding doing an entry because I didn’t want “A’s sacrifice” to get bumped out of first position. It’s such a profound thing to me. She’d say “Mom, it’s ok, just keep going.” or something like that.

So I’m basically describing my life in terms of the 14 day cycle (how chemo-esque), I’m on day 7. Since about day 5 I’ve felt really good, like I’m doing normal things, I’m back in the kitchen and looking forward to the soccer game tonight under the lights if it stops raining. I’m getting ready to tear the last of the shag carpets out of this house, one of the only remaining signs of the 70’s on the main level, (if you completely overlook the orange countertops and parkay floor in the kitchen). I’m walking a good distance every day and feel less fatigued, thankfully. One day at a time.

I was walking around the house yesterday saying “ok, so who can come out to play today???” and remembered that on Mondays some people do things. I’m sure as the week progresses I may be leaving messages for people to go bungy jumping or something.

I have not been to my art pad in several days, and I think something has to be done about THAT.

Cycle 1 Day 4 Saturday, 9/12

Going to A’s soccer game and talking with parents and friends. Taking a walk in the woods. Napping with the katz. Baking a blueberry pie. Picking scrumptious sungold and sweet 100 tomatoes from our garden and making pesto out of fresh basil. Going to the dump with E and giving in to his request to pick up a hot dog on the way home. Talking on the phone. OK, so there is some normalcy in my life.

I’m sure B, A and E seeing me Wed night was no fun at all. They have been incredibly attentive, and willing to give me space as I need. We all have friends checking in with us, some cautious about calling, dropping of incredible meals, sending cards, giving rides. We surely could not do this alone.

I’m so interested in this body’s ability to tolerate the substances that were infused on Wednesday. The past two days I’ve not felt 100%, that’s for sure. I have gone to my bed when body told me to. I’ve done breathing exercises to settle my stomach. Ginger tea, ginger ale, ginger tonic, an occasional drug. I was nauseous on Wednesday evening. I’ve been sort of nauseous on and off for the past 3 days. Nausea sucks and being sort of nauseous is just annoying.

If every day gets better, I’ll be ready to do the jig by Wednesday. Anyone want to join me?

Cycle 1, Day 2

End-of-day-12-150x150 OK so this girl wasn’t seeing any technicolored hearts or anything last night. No matter what I invisioned the port-o-love sending into my system, the end of Day 1 had me relating to the mangy fox. Actually she probably felt better than I did. I went home and sat on the deck, writing yesterday’s blog, feeling pretty good. About 2 hours later, I noticed sweat beading up on my nose, could feel the flush leaving my face. Right after I asked E if he wanted some dinner, I was in bed and close to the loo in no time. It felt like a red stopper was pushing down into my gut and oozing its way down. Ginger tea, hot water bottle, massage, deep breathing, closing my eyes. MEDICATION. It took a good 3 or 4 hours before the waves went away. I drifted off into a very sound sleep. I can’t wait for accupuncture today.

Later: Someone to clean my house, a nice long walk with D in the beautiful September air, a 2 hour nap with my katz, accupuncture, a shot of neulasta to help my bone marrow kick into high production of white cells , and not one, but TWO delicious meals dropped off at our door. If nausea was at a 10 last night, I’m at about a .5 this evening. Accupuncture seems to be my thing. The photo of this drawing does not really capture the soothing blue I visualized. My family and I are so awed by your generosity, love, and attention. I think tonight will be a good night.

Chemo Day One

So, P and I have differnt metaphors for this. I’m fighting, she’s riding the range rounding up li’l wayward doggies. I’m on search and destroy mission. So my take on chemo is a little bit different too.

Mainlining big bags of toxic stuff, that incidently causes you to empty your guts out, and loose your hair, probably will cause premature menopause, and might diminish your hearts ability to pump — is scary.

Yes, the staff at the Cancer Center are top notch. The facilities are really nice. But, it looks to me like we are in for 8 weeks of flu, on a 2 week cycle. I can tell you that the week we were waiting for results from the PT scan I was in full Fight/Flight mode. People bringing me their penny ante horse shit don’t know how close they were to having me rip their heads off and crap down their necks. Well I’m not to that place yet with Chemo, but, I anticipate it could get there.

I’m struggling to articulate the spouses experience of this…. Sure fear is part of it, but, more just not being in control of much. Kinda like the guy on the front of the sled on the luge run — hang on fool. Basically, Chemo sucks, and my job is to just keep things going, Soccer, Jujitsu, Scouts, and school. I guess an apt metaphor is some sort of draft animal, oxen, or mule, you pull cause there is something that has to be moved. Perhaps, the Cow girl trope is more apt than I knew. There is something more svelt about a cutting pony than an ox — maybe I should just go along with the G.D.O. Cow Girl — alas, folks, who know me, probably would see through that. An ox in horse’s clothing as it were.

9/9/09 Chemo day one

“Hey cowgirl, are you ready to round this thing up?” B’s warm body enshrouded mine as I was blinking the sleep out of my eyes. The kat-man-budda (our large siamese boy) crawled in with me for an early morning touch. I got out of bed and put on my boots. I’m quite a sight with my new pink tie dyed t-shirt , bare legs and boots.

medicine-150x150 I got a vision of chemo while in NY last weekend. One of the drugs is a rusty red, and I saw it going in the port-o-love and directly to my left breast. It traveled like a fireball and turned into a pale yellow, cooled by the ocean of blue that is my spirit.

I’d say this trail is full of surprises. Some of them are so sweet. Some are hot, decaying and frightening. I saw a mangy fox in our garden this morning. She was just sitting there by the pepper plants. She looked really bad, weary of the road. She was quiet as she got up and walked slowly into the woods. Her trail to me seems so much harder than mine. Not many would give her anything but a bullet to put her out of her misery.

My chemo cycle is 14 days long. The infusion is day 1. I return again in two weeks, on day one for another infusion. The experience was relatively uneventful, the port-o-love works well, easy access and dismount. All staff were very accommodating. It’s quite a peaceful place. The kids decided to go to round 2 with me instead of one. We’re cool with that.

Lasso1-150x150 At this point my visualizer is really active. I drew the whole time I was hooked up except for when I was eating. Yea, I was hungry and ate all of the fresh fruit and cottage cheese and green salad they gave me. When you’re a soup snob, hospital minestrone just doesn’t get a rise but being the trooper he is, B helped me finish the soup. This first pic was just a close up of one I’d done earlier of the lasso gathering the disorganized cells. I just had to get it on paper again.

I was particularly aware when the Adriamycin was put in. Saline Adriamycin-150x150 dripped from the bag, Cytoxin was to go in after the A, which was put in through a separate attachment. The port is cool, they can draw blood from it or put meds in. When it was time for the A to go in, the nurse used a separate insertion tube because does not come in a bag like the other stuff. It was in two large syringes, very red liquid. My automatic response was something like ‘there it is’ the stuff some refer to as battery acid. (I’m not going there.) So B and I were driving home wondering who was the one who said “hey let’s put this stuff in a human and see what happens…” (Kinda like who decided to eat the first lobster?) I am amazed that our veins can withstand something that can apparently burn your skin if it leaks out of the port.

I was reading love mail, and had to tear myself away so we could leave. And so I’m home now. Feeling ok, like my brain knows something is in my system, but my body is trying it on for size, not sure what to do. My guts know something is in there, so I’m practicing the gut massage the accupuncturist taught me, and look forward to seeing him tomorrow. Then back to the center for a shot to stimulate white blood cell production.

Cowgirls-home-150x150 It’s good to be home.

Lifted

Flight-150x150 As we called and emailed loved ones, friends and colleagues, a web of light began like a tapestry around us. The love mill spreads fast. I came to appreciate email because although it seems at first impersonal, it tended to give the reader some time to absorb such unexpected information. Like this blog, we are able to get information out to those we knew would want it… We have been getting surprises dropped off on our doorstep and in our mailbox, positive and G.O. energy coming in our direction, phone calls, cards, well wishes, food…love is blowing in the late summer breeze.

Last Sunday didn’t turn out at ALL as I thought it would. I was feeling a little wrapped up in myself, and planned to do errands with B, and start working on our bedroom which is sorely in need of TLC. Alas, instead a friend picked me up and swooped me off to her house and we walked her beautiful property. We saw a pair of sand-hill cranes that have been hanging out on her land for about a year. It was incredible. We ate delicious tomatoes and cucumbers from our gardens, soup made by her daughter, we talked and laughed. She told me of an inspirational dream that she had as a young woman. She also asked if we’d accept a gift of a cleaning person every other week during treatments. I found myself letting all that she had given me today wash over me like a warm tide. It has been like this with so many of you.

Back home for a short 2 hours, and then off to a Boy Scout cookout where I was greeted by hugs, concern and warmth from so many. A 13 year old boy, who has been friends with E since kindergarten, came straight up to me and handed me a bag and gave me a big hug. It had a hand knit light blue shawl with a prayer under the ribbon that was tied around it. He said it was made by someone in his church and that he thought of me when he saw it. He called it a prayer shawl. Parents whom we have known in scouting for as long as E has been involved came to me throughout the afternoon. The boys cooked an amazing dinner and so did the Old Goat Patrol (dads). At the end of the cook out, E came to us with a large cooler with pink ribbons around it. It was a gift of food from two new scouts and their moms for our family.

Lifted-150x150 I immediately came home and drew LIFTED. I basically blew off the plans for the day and it became a spontaneous combustion of human connections. E helped me make a picture of an angel and we have started putting names and numbers of all the people who have offered themselves to us.