So, P and I have differnt metaphors for this. I’m fighting, she’s riding the range rounding up li’l wayward doggies. I’m on search and destroy mission. So my take on chemo is a little bit different too.
Mainlining big bags of toxic stuff, that incidently causes you to empty your guts out, and loose your hair, probably will cause premature menopause, and might diminish your hearts ability to pump — is scary.
Yes, the staff at the Cancer Center are top notch. The facilities are really nice. But, it looks to me like we are in for 8 weeks of flu, on a 2 week cycle. I can tell you that the week we were waiting for results from the PT scan I was in full Fight/Flight mode. People bringing me their penny ante horse shit don’t know how close they were to having me rip their heads off and crap down their necks. Well I’m not to that place yet with Chemo, but, I anticipate it could get there.
I’m struggling to articulate the spouses experience of this…. Sure fear is part of it, but, more just not being in control of much. Kinda like the guy on the front of the sled on the luge run — hang on fool. Basically, Chemo sucks, and my job is to just keep things going, Soccer, Jujitsu, Scouts, and school. I guess an apt metaphor is some sort of draft animal, oxen, or mule, you pull cause there is something that has to be moved. Perhaps, the Cow girl trope is more apt than I knew. There is something more svelt about a cutting pony than an ox — maybe I should just go along with the G.D.O. Cow Girl — alas, folks, who know me, probably would see through that. An ox in horse’s clothing as it were.
Hey, B, you’re not alone in this! Scouts, soccer, school, groceries, whatever you need…we’re riding the horse with you! We can be there for several soccer games for A, and if you need pick-up for E or A, call us! We love you!
Sarah, I know there are a lot of folks supporting us. I do appreciate that. And believe you me I will be calling for help. I didn’t mean to overlook that in my post. Rather, I was trying to articulate how ineffectual “guy” metaphors are for handling this kind of thing. And, I suppose in some ways it was an emotional dump — part of the work this blog is set up for. Even in my ox like mentality I still know that I can’t pull everything, and yes, a team will help, but, I’ve also got to simply put down some weights and not try to pull them along with everything else.
Thanks.
I would imagine the fight from afar is very different than the fight from within. P is very lucky to have you in her life, as I know she realizes this. This journey would be much more difficult were she travelling alone. Hang in there. Some days will look insurmountable, (remember to ask for help!) and other days will be encompassed by wonderul surprises–some seemingly minute, others just huge! Take each day as it comes, your strength and will surprise you.
I’m down with the battle metaphor, dude: My light saber is ready and willing to take this sucker on. My Capricorn-self also has a one foot in front of the other mode for climbing mountains and facing crises. Although it causes me to sometimes miss the scenery when I’m staring at my feet, it also makes long journeys seem less vast at the beginning.
I know you know we’re right up the road for kid collection, cold pints, hot sauce, or anything else needed…lotsa love, dfb
Bob, I know this is a family journey you’re on and it’s new territory for you all! I echo what Jill and Deedie said. One day at a time. And we’re all here when you need us.
Love, Sarah